In the Sporting Spirit Lets Play Golf!

I am back from Scotland complete with midge bites and one strip of spectacular sunburn down one leg. It has actually gone a little purple. I kid you not.

During my week in the caravan, I followed Team GB’s victories and am now all excited about sport. Well at least for now. I am trying to get tickets for the Paralympics; I am almost definitely going to visit the Herne Hill Velodrome (where Bradley Wiggins started out); and I am going to miniature golf tomorrow.

I was excited about mini gold because you have the competitive element and certain skills are required to get that tiny ball through the rotating windmill. Additional excitement came from the fact I was supposed to be playing on Selfridges’ roof. However because it is so damn popular - you may have heard of it already - it has already sold out for tomorrow. I am now going to a course in Gunnersbury. I don’t know where Gunnersbury is. And its called Gunnersbury.

Anyway, back to Selfridges for a moment. They have built a marvellous looking Tea and Miniature Golf area on their roof to celebrate a particular type of British eccentricity. From what I can make out from an introductory video you play 9 holes of golf around obstacles shaped like London Landmarks, which are made to look like cakes or sweets. For example, there are several platters of mini-St. Pauls jellies that you have to weave your ball through. Hmm jelly cathedrals.

The course is open from 12-10pm each day until 2nd September and tickets can be bought in advance from here. If you are a more free and easy type of guy/gal you can rock up and wait in line to play your round. It costs £6 per person which is not uber cheap for such an activity, but I mention it here because its uniqueness and I think you would get the added bonus of a nice view. I am all about the nice views.

Of course, a Golf and Tea Party is nothing without tea. I had a look at the menu that the golf and I would say take your pennies elsewhere. Afternoon Tea for 1 is £17.95, which is standard is fancy hotels, but lets be honest you are on top of a department store. No thanks. A pot of tea for 1 is £2.95(eek!) and a brownie £5.95 (just no). So I would take a thermos with you or better yet play later in the afternoon, then go to the foodhall for reduced food items. I'm not sure about everyone down there but I know the sushi place does some great deals. Granted, sushi is not very British, but eat it with your tea and you’ll be laughing. That counts as fusion right?

Oh also at the time of writing Golf is still not an Olympic sport. However with table tennis as a proper event, it can only be a matter of time before miniature golf gets in there. So, until then, I shall keep practising my swing and the art of avoiding rotating windmills. Yes I shall.

Picture taken from here.

Olympic Embrace

After months of bitching about transport issues, sponsors, tickets, missiles on roofs I have been converted to an Olympic way of thinking. I am a flag waving, sport watching enthusiast who air punched every time we get another medal.

I can't be sure when the shift occurred, but I think it was sometime between the Kennth Branagh's speech from The Tempest and Voldemort during the opening ceremony. Or maybe it was when that *insert the worst expletives you can think of here* Mitt Romney said that he didn't think London was ready for the Olympics. Oh we're ready Mitt. Ready to punch you in the face.

Either way, my cynicism dissolved and I am now watching things like show-jumping and swimming. I have no idea what I am watching, but I know I like it.

I am still angry about how much tickets cost, but one of the things the Olympic organisers seemed to get right was the amount of FREE stuff they have put on this year as part of the while London 2012 festival.

If you go to the London 2012 website you can get the low-down on all free and paying events.

There are quite a few good exhibitions including the Road to 2012 at the National Portrait Gallery. This shows some wonderful portraits of our UK athletes, but also those who contributed to the making of the Games.

Most teams have taken over various buildings around the city. The weirdest possibly being the Germans in the Museum of London Docklands restaurant. Apparently you can go along for £10, but having worked at there as a waitress for one dark month, I would advise against it.

However, the Brazilians have taken over Somerset House aka Casa Brasil for the duration and are hosting exhibitions and a Rio 2016 shop (of course). There is also samba and live music every evening until this Sunday 5th August. I think the old-school grandeur of Somerset House is a slightly odd setting for Brazil, but hey it should be fun.

I know loads of venues are doing something for the Games, even if it is just having a TV showing them constantly and a few Union Jacks. The Book Club in Shoreditch has created a, "Basecamp", with a few sporting events of its own including beer pong and basketball and croquet. Of course this is accompanied by screens, food vans and a bar.

This weekend's Brixton Splash (a community street festival featuring live music and dancing) on Sunday is going to be a pretty special affair because it coincides with Usain Bolt running in the 100m men's final. I think it is safe to say there will be a few parties going on until the wee hours on Sunday night.

I urge you to go out and take advantage because after all my whining I zipping north for a week and will miss everything. There are few chances when any of us will be in an Olympic city again, and I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s true. So go and embrace the Olympic spirit. In a month's time we can all be bitter and cynical together again.

Go Team GB!


P.S.

Oh now I remember when I got into the spirit! It was when Mitt Romney offended the entire country, Boris came to our defence and then a few days later did this. Mayor Johnson sir, we salute you.

Tell me a story

I am so excited about my most recent discovery that I have been itching to share it since Monday when I experienced it for myself.

The life-changing experience of which I speak is Spark London: A true storytelling event.

The premise of the night is very simple- anyone is allowed to go up in front of the audience and share a story which must be 1) true 2) about themselves 3) relate to the theme of the week and 4) be no longer than 5 minutes long.

I was a little sceptical about the prospect of hearing people tell their stories. I don't like people and I don't like strangers trying to talk to me so I thought it might not be for me. However, my feelings on leaving the venue could not have been more different. To be it simply- it was wonderful.

I think it was a fluke when I went, but over half of the story-tellers were Americans, which definitely made it feel a lot cooler. It was like being in the back room of club in New York where everyone should still be allowed to smoke indoors and click instead of clap. Not that I have ever been to a club like that in New York you, but various TV programmes and films have assured me of their existence. And it wasn’t that wanky.

One woman just had the best New York accent I have ever heard in real life. She was from Queens and wore a baseball cap with NY on. It was truly amazing. Say "coffee" or "New York" in one of those stereotypical NY accents, then double it and you will have this woman. She told a funny story about being a former catalogue model and having her breasts manhandled by a black transvestite called Laquesha. However, by far the best thing she said, in fact the best bit of the whole night, was when she explained she was from Queens (hence the accent) and said, "To put it in perspective- it's like Luton".

It was brilliant to see the range of people overcoming their embarrassment or, in some cases, rearing to get on stage in front of everyone, to tell something that happened to them. Many were very funny, a few were heartfelt and some just bizarre, but for some reason because they were all true people the audience, myself included, were completely captivated.

When we first walked, in the compere for the evening went through the audience and asked people if they had a story to tell. Most people shook their heads frantically; mouths clamped and avoided her gaze. But, during the break people were hounding her to try and get their 5 minute slot on the stage. "This is what happens," announced the compere coming back in the second half, "Everyone really does have a story to tell".

Coincidentally the nights are a New York phenomenon, but Spark is currently the only night of its kind (so they say) in London. I went to the Upstairs bar at the Ritzy in Brixton, which is a regular night (every third Monday of the month), and just takes donations. Or there is a night at the Canal Cafe in Little Venice every first Monday of the month, but that seems to cost £8. Too much me thinks. Not that I'm biased or anything.

If you are up at the Edinburgh Fringe you can go and see their show with professional storytellers. I would wait for the open-mic though because it makes it so much more interesting. There really was something oddly comforting about hearing the truth.

Do you remember what summer feels like?

I am going to jump on the bandwagon here, but what the hell is up with the weather? It's gone batshit crazy that's what.

Are you having trouble remembering what summer feels like? Even with my pretty low sun tolerance I am having withdrawal symptoms. So, as a result, I am looking for things which remind me of summer or at least give me an opportunity when I can pretend it is July.

A perfect antidote to my SAD is Oxjam Brixton's "Beat the Blue" Summer Launch Party at Brixton Clubhouse. If you didn’t get that- it’s in Brixton. The club night, to be held on Friday 20th July from 7pm, promises to showcase an array of local reggae acts. I am imagining a rum in one hand and summery sounds to lull be into the belief that I am on a Caribbean island rather than round the corner from a KFC.

So they've got DJ Zinc Fence bringing his awesome Catch a Fire night and Cpanel DJs Balofo and Nomic and (what I am most excited about) The London City Reggae Choir. I have never seen a reggae choir and cannot help but be a little intrigued.

The Brixton Clubhouse is a cool little club with terrace outside and a slightly odd wicker fence separating the terrace from the street. It's just around the corner from the station so if you get lost you are really are stupid and don't deserve to go to a fun night such as this.

A ticket costs £5 in advance from here or it's £7 on the door. The money is going towards Brixton Oxjam Takeover concerts in October.

Oxjam is a month long festival organised by Oxfam that takes place up and down the country to use local musical talent to raise money to fight global poverty and raise awareness. There are loads of events happening up and down the country and all over London. I just know about the Brixton ones because I live in Brixton and I am helping them spread the word. I am good like that. I know I know, I am growing more slappable by the second.

If you would like to see my awful attempt to dance to reggae music (it involves a lot of swaying and intermittent hip shaking) let me know and we can live in a tiny summer microcosm for the night.

Vive la Revolution!

When I get an email with the title "URGENT CALL TO ARMS", I am not surprised or put off opening it. As your typical lazy lefty (not saying that all left-wingers are lazy just that I am one of the lazy ones. No hatemail please) I sign up for so much stuff on the internet and am frequently asked to join protests, sign petitions and generally cause a ruckus. However the above mentioned email was different. It was alerting me to this weekend's 5th annual Bastille Day on the Southbank.

As France's sixth biggest city, London is hosting its 5th annual version of the French national holiday known there as, La Fête Nationale. The all-day festival will celebrate the country’s food, art and all things Français.

*NOTE: I volunteered last night at the Southwark Playhouse, who are hosting a few of the events, and all their fridges are packed with different French cheeses. It was a beautiful sight.*

In France, the annual festival marks the anniversary of the storming of the Bastille in 1789. It is still celebrated in France was as a symbol for the rest of the French revolution and the fall of the monarchy. I could go into more detail, but quite frankly it is not that interesting and involves a lot of sectors of government, names and dates that have no place on this blog. If you care to learn more click here for a good rundown of events. Or better yet read Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities, which is a wildly dramatic version of the revolution without the boring bits.

Back in London, most of the day’s events are happening in and around Borough Market. There will be extra French stalls at the market as well as more unusual events popping up throughout the day such as the Waiter's Race. I am still a little confused about this one. It seems that Waiters from the Bankside restaurants are quite literally going to race one another. Possibly while holding crockery. I think it may be one of those things that has to be seen to be believed.

There are also events like hatmaking and talks about perfume, games of boules, Absinthe tasting, films, cycling, football and art workshops. But from 6pm there will be live music and dancing to take you through to midnight. I am hoping a lot of Edith Piaf impersonators and accordions but I feel they will be slightly better than that.

All the events are free and more details and timings can be found on their website here.

The initial email I received it turned out was a less "Call to Arms!" and more for a request I use my arms to help them put up lights around Borough Market on Friday night. So the least you can do is come and admire my handywork while pilfering all the cheese you can stuff in your beret.

*NOTE: Berets and fancy dress optional.*

Get quizzical for charity

In my last post I casually mentioned how I was volunteering for

everything under the sun (or at least South of the river). Didn't it make you sit up and take a good look at your life and want to be a better person? No? Humph. Self-righteousness is obviously not for you then.

If you do fancy helping out a charity without the time commitment, with a guaranteed dash of fun, why not come to the Sounds Familiar Music Quiz in aid of Oxjam Brixton takeover. Sounds Familiar is a regular music quiz that pops up all over London and has agreed to host a night next Wednesday 11th July at the Dogstar in Brixton. The admission price will go towards funding Oxjam Brixton’s one day festival in October.

In effect, the quiz is a fundraiser for a future fundraiser. I don't get it, but I trust Oxfam and know you have to spend money to make money. But you need to have some money first. I could totally be on the Apprentice.

The Sounds Familiar Music quiz is "London's best and most raucous music quiz", according to Time Out. See, it isn’t just me. Real reviewing types rate it.

The idea of the quiz is not only to test your music knowledge with rounds like, Mum & Dad’s School Reunion, Soul Weekender, You’ll Never Hear From Me Again, Round of Relaxation, Mash It Up and Name That Tune, but encourage its quizees to get up and dance and have a "rare tear" as my Glaswegian Uncle would say.

If you needed more convincing the quiz is so popular that it is taken on the festival circuit as can be witnessed in this clip at Glastonbury last year. I think we can all agree this is something pretty special.

There are actually quite good prizes for the winning teams including 2 tickets for Sneaky Sound System at Electric Brixton, 2 tickets for The Black Seeds at Electric Brixton and 2 tickets for Sham 69 at Electric Brixton. As well as some CDs (some better than others).

The only thing that makes me hesitate from signing up is the "Pile of Shit" round, which is supposed to feature the worst records the compere can think of. I fear this round would feature a lot of my most cherished songs (Chumbawamba anyone?). Despite this I shall brave the outing and practice my "Oh God! Who ever listened to this pile of monkey crap" while secretly crying inside.

Tickets are only £5 per person (or £30 per 6 person team. Obviously) and can be bought here. You can turn up and pay £5 but to make sure you get a place tis best to book in advance. The quiz starts at 7ish and runs until the last song is sung and the last table danced upon. So it is written so let it be done.

You will be thrilled to know that I am accepting team mates to add to my knowledge of 80s Pop, Enya and the Spice Girls. If you think you have what it takes to join the winning team I will be holding interviews on Monday 9th. No time wasters please.

If you want to know about more about Oxjam Brixton takeover check out their website and you can still get involved.

Cheer for a Volunteer

My post titles are definitely getting worse. Hmm. Need to do something about that.

So, a few weeks ago I was bored. Very bored. Despite living in one of the most exciting cities in the world (as I am constantly told by people who don't live here and say they never want to) I had nothing to do with myself and, more unhelpfully, no money.



It was during an afternoon of this sustained boredom that I found a few sites asking for volunteers. Seeing more and more adverts for volunteers and "stewarding opportunities" it occurred to me that this would be great. I could meet new people, see some cool stuff and do something more valuable with my time than stalking people on Twitter and wishing they were my real-life friends. With nothing to lose I signed up to steward at the Secret Cinema and the Southwark Playhouse, generally help with Brixton's Oxjam (a day festival for Oxfam where bands will be taking over different venues in Brixton) and organise the South London Free Film Festival, which I have written about before.

What is immediately obvious from the above is that I was exceptionally bored and had momentarily lost my mind. How the hell was I going to help with all these events? I have a lot of spare time, but this was ridiculous.

In my defence I didn't think everyone would want me to help. I was hedging my bets. What I forgot was that if people are asking for volunteers they generally want all the help they can get. Shit.

So first piece of advice if you want to volunteer- be selective!

I went along to a meeting for the Peckham and Nunhead Free Film Festival (FFF), which was, slightly bizarrely, in the Centre for Wildlife and Gardening in Peckham. It was every bit as odd as it sounds. Nice, but odd. After talking to the lovely (and exceptionally organised) people at the FFF, I opted to steward at their events in September. One down three to go.

The Secret Cinema has been going on for about a month now and was just asking volunteers to do as many shifts as they could. I have wanted to go to the Secret Cinema since I heard about it last year, but couldn't bring myself to pay the required £20+. So, last week I did three evening shifts, stewarding while dressed in a boiler suit. I won't give away any details because there is still another week left, but it is very impressive. So that was completed in 72 hours meaning I could tick another one off the list.

I have done a trial shift at the Southwark Playhouse and am going to keep volunteering for them. They seemed to like me, which suggests if you smile enough and don't make smartarse comments anyone will hire you. Who knew? I can do a few shifts a month and get to see some amazing theatre. I feel like I'm getting the better deal out of this.

Brixton Oxjam were looking for help with marketing and publicity, which means you lucky people will be hearing a lot more about them running up to their takeover in Brixton in October. It mainly gives me an excuse to talk to lots of people on twitter about music and Brixton, which I like doing anyway.

I have done my fair share of work experience placements, but this is different. I happen to enjoy learning about arts organisations, but the main benefit is getting to experience these events from the inside and for free. One could argue I was also contributing to society etc but meh. That is neither here nor there. At our age I think, if you have the time, it is a great thing to do so get moving!

I have added links to all the aforementioned organisations that are always looking for volunteers, but here are a few other websites that list more varied opportunities-

Team London

Do-It

Greater London Volunteering

Volunteering England

And an old favourite, Gumtree (where I found Secret Cinema advert)

If you need more convincing to get up and do something, volunteering can be good when people ask if you have any hobbies. I haven't had hobbies since I was 14 and gave up the piano, but suddenly people seem to want to know what my "hobbies" are. I now have something other to say than "Um...see friends. Um...reading" which makes me sound like an eedjit.

Would you Adam and Eve it? A Bowl of Chalk that's Meryl Streep!

I would ask you to read the title aloud in a BBC Newsreader voice (not Hugh Edwards), and you get an idea of how funny it can be for me to use Cockney Rhyming slang.


In the Queen's English the title roughly translates as-

"By Jove! A jaunt you can partake in for less than the Earl of Bumpford's annual earnings!"

Or in simpleton terms (i.e. mine)-

"Would you believe it? A walk that's cheap".

This little tangent brings me to this week's offering courtesy of Bowl of Chalk, a guided tour, which promises to be like no other. Bowl of Chalk is Cockney Rhyming slang for "Walk", just in case that wasn't made clear in the previous ramblings.

The walks are a one man operation run by Jonnie Fielding who started the tours after "half-heartedly" looking for a job, but realised that what he enjoyed doing most was walking around London and talking to people about his city. So that's what he's done.

I should mention at this point that he has also got rave reviews from people like Time Out and isn't just one crazy man leading you down alleyway. None of us need pay for that. He has also, very kindly, supplemented information for this post.

The tours take place during the last three weekends of every month. There are three tours each weekend starting with one on Saturday morning at 10.30am going from Trafalgar Square to St. Pauls, then one in the afternoon starting at 2.30pm leading from St. Pauls to Monument. On Sundays there is a tour around East London starting at the more reasonable time of 11am and meeting at Old Street.

The walks are all-weather, last about three hours and you are simply required to email Jonnie in advance to book your place (do so here). This is just so he doesn't leave without you.

What is evident from his website is that Jonnie is not only enthusiastic about London and all its history, but the weird and wonderful stories that are hidden in its side streets and under its statues. He also promises that no two walks will ever be the same.

The majority of walkers are, according to our guide, Londoners, which (joyously) means there will be fewer tourists. There are some things everyone in London joins to complain about one is TFL the other is tourists.

I have been on pay-what-you-think walks before and I always then feel a little awkward at the end when I do have to pay. The reason Jonnie chose to run his operation like this is so that it is open to more people and anyone can go. He said that people have given him anywhere between £5-30 so it really is quite open.

So do your Barnet Fair, give your China Plate a ring on the Dog and Bone and go for a Jane Fonda along the Kermits of our fair Bobby Brown and maybe meet for a Ruby Murray at the end.

If you care to decipher the above then please go to the website "Cockney Rhyming Slang". Hours of fun I can assure you.

As you can tell I favour the words that use names. They just conjure up the best images.

Well I should be making Basement Jaxx (I actually can't stop) so see you me old mucker (that's not even Cockney. Oh just hush).

Books not Bunting

I imagine all of you are gearing up for the long weekend poised with your miniature union jack in hand. No? You mean you will not be one of the thousands squashed next to the Thames to see an old woman wave from a boat? I am most shocked at my fellow countrymen!

If the royals are not your thing for whatever reason (political, economical, social or you just find them a bit dull), then how about popping up to the Stoke Newington Literary Festival this weekend. The festival starts this Friday and winds down on Sunday evening with free events and ticketed ones from £3-£15.

Stokey's little festival has quite a small programme, but here quality definitely triumphs over quantity. It is also a nice alternative if, like me, you cannot find the time, money or transport to get to Hay Festival, which also happens to start this weekend.

There are a few free events such as, "Well Versed: Well Red Literature from the Morning Star", which has a variety of speakers poets and music; "A Hackney Anthology", which is readings from an anthology of local writers;"RIP The Book?", which will look at the rise of the e-books; and "Stoke Newington Poets"-I trust your intelligence to work that one out.

There is also a free writing workshop on the Saturday called "Storytails". This starts on the Saturday with professional writers sharing tips and doling out advice. On the Sunday, the group will reconvene to share what they have produced. If you have a story just waiting to leap out of you, but you don't quite know how to begin, go along.

*NOTE: I went to a very inspirational (paid for) event at the British Library last Friday with journalists Caitlin Moran, Grace Dent, Lauren Laverne, Miranda Sawyer, Laura Barton and chaired by Stewart Maconie about women in the media. I am telling everyone (well mainly women) that they can write and want to do a lot more air-punching than I did before. Just take it as positive encouragement.*

Back in Stoke Newington, by far the best-looking free event is one called "Pongy Prose for Whiffy Writers", where you can create your own smelly book. I don't really understand how, but I am intrigued. It does say it is an event for ages 6+, suggesting that adults are not encouraged to go along by themselves. However, if there is a small child you can borrow for a few hours take them as a child beard (like a gay beard but with children.)and play with smells and books to your heart's delight.

The paid for events vary from talks with popular writers such as Danny Wallace and Jenny Colgan to an amazing looking with John Cooper Clarke and Simon Day to "A Genteel Tipple Through Gin in Literature". The latter event tracks how Gin has been portrayed in Literature with gin cocktails available and it's only £4.

So indulge in the richer side of British culture that has nothing to do with crowns or corgies, but with homegrown writing talent.

I will be spending the weekend in a remote caravan in South-West Scotland with my family and a sausage dog. Not quite the same is it?

Classical Music and Dance Doused in Petrol

Britain seems to be getting very excited about outdoor screenings of, well, anything. There are to be screens in Hyde Park and Victoria Park (that's the one in the East End) for the Olympics and there are numerous outdoor film screenings throughout the summer at Somerset House, on top of The Queen of Hoxton, on/in people's sheds etc.

The Royal Opera House has jumped on the bandwagon with free outdoor screenings of operas and ballets. Doesn't that sound all sophisticated and wonderful? Oh yes I should mention that these screenings are sponsored by BP. The poster that makes it look like it's advertising a happy hardcore festival due to the nauseating green and yellow of the brand's colours.

Otherwise you should definitely go.

In London the screens will be placed in Trafalgar Square and Canary Wharf. These are two of the strangest places to make people sit for a few hours. But, I suppose sitting in Trafalgar Square with the National Gallery behind you, Nelson looking down on you and with those big Lions that tourists are always determined to climb on, well it might be nice. Canary Wharf has no soul so don't bother trying to see culture there.

There are also screens to be placed OUTSIDE LONDON. Crazy I know but apparently there is a world outside the M25. There is a long list on the website so I won't bore you with all the cities, but as well as the expected Manchester, Bristol, Edinburgh, Cardiff there are a few unexpected choices such as Coventry, Bradford and Dover. Random yes, but hey everyone deserves to see some professional tight wearers at least once in their life.

I am a little miffed because La Boheme was screened last Thursday and I managed to miss it. I wanted to see that one. Humph.

Next Wednesday 30 May at 7.30pm there will be a showing of Falstaff, an operatic commedia lirica in three acts by Giuseppe Verdi, adapted by Arrigo Boito from Shakespeare's plays The Merry Wives of Windsor and scenes from Henry IV. And yes I knew all of that just off the top of my head and was in no way copied from Wikipedia. If you have never seen opera before or know very little about it this could be the perfect opportunity to try out the form. It will be a far cheaper and more relaxed way of experiencing it and if you are bored to tears, or your bum hurts (you have to sit on the floor), then you can just leave.

The other screening, Metamorphosis: Titian 2012 Monday 16 July, 2012 at 7.30pm, is a specially comissioned ballet piece as part of the London 2012 stuff. The choreographers have been commisioned to respond to the Titian works that are now on display in London. The paintings all depict scenes from the Roman Poet Ovid's poem, Metamorphoses. So the title does make sense. Everyone likes pictures so here the Titian paintings Diana and Actaeon, The Death of Actaeon and Diana and Callisto, respectively-

So go and experience some high culture near you and if not then, in London at least, you can climb on a Lion plinth and pretend you're in Narnia.

Evening lectures for the academic within

Increasingly, I find myself finding and sourcing information from Twitter. Yes children, I loves it. So many hours to waste, too little time to waste them.

Last week I spotted a journalist (who I now can’t remember) who had tweeted about a friend of hers speaking at Birbeck University. I followed the link and found out that starting tomorrow it is Birkbeck's Arts Week, which will showcase evenings of films screenings and lectures. And it's all free! Although held and Birkbeck, and presumably for the students, anyone can go. Although it’s free you do encourage you to book.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the institution, it is university near Euston station and it's good. That's all you need to know really.

After having a quick perusal of what's on offer and there seems to be all matter of visual art, theatre and literature covered in one short week. I personally like the look of the seminar called, "Jokes, Laughter and Literature", because we wouldn't want it to be too serious would we? This is a short talk and discussion by a few of the University's academics on humour in writers through the ages.

The other thing that I thought would be pretty cool is a night called, "Loose Muse: Readings by Contemporary Women Poets". This I think would be cool for a few reason; firstly because I don't think there are enough poetry readings; and secondly there are certainly not enough women doing them. I am going to ignore the current Poet Laureate. The main reason I liked the look of this was because I thought, when I moved to London, that I would be going to poetry readings and sitting around in arty, smoke filled cafes discussing the meaning of life with young beautiful people. This has failed to happen once in the year and half I have lived here. This is mainly because I live in Brixton in 2012 and not a poorly made 80/90s teen film. A sad fact I have had to face. There is also the fact that you are no longer allowed to smoke in bars and cafes. Bastards.

Anyway, I digress. Go and have a look at the website, book, and enjoy some free culture. You might even learn something.

My attempt to be a cool arty kid.

I seem to be one of the few people who do not know about the phenomenon of "First Thursdays". I lived down the road for a year and knew nothing about it.

If you knew about it, why didn't you tell me? Hmm? And for those who still have no idea what I am referring to, but are still reading with interest, allow me to explain.

First Thhursdays are, shockingly, the first Thursday of every month. Still with me? All over East London, galleries open later for general exhibitions and special events. Tis a fairly simple idea but one that seems to amazingly popular.

Galleries like the Whitechapel and the Barbican participate in this night of artistic frivolity, but I think the best thing about it are the new artists displaying their work on this one evening a month.

I went for the first time last week up to the Vyner Street Gallery (off Cambridge Heath road before you get to the canal)to see my friend's exhibition, Breathe and Reboot, which was wonderful. There were several spaces open down this one, fairly small, road that were easily identifiable by the crowds spilling over onto the pavement by 8.30pm.

It felt all continental and nice. Or that could have just been the free/exceptionally cheap wine. Either way it was a lovely way to spend an evening and get to see something different for free.

My best bit of advice would be to set off with a group and see what you can find. By all means head to a few of the main roads, but find new places you didn't know existed. My friend and I passed Donlon Bookshop that I had never seen before but went in and found some beautiful arty books and prints. It's these little finds that I think make it worthwhile.

The website here has a pretty comprehensive list of the main galleries involved. It also shows you some walking tours if you don't fancy trying to stumble upon things. They also offer bus tours but that just seemd silly to me.

I shall see you there next month. I will be the one in oversized glasses, checked shirt looking all cool and aloof. It'll be like a real-life version of Where's Wally.

UPDATe: The Guardian have put together this slideshow of one of the shows on Vyner Street called Arthaus. A good example of some of the new work you can see. And a way to stay ahead of the Guardian.

More cinema stuff...but you love it

So, in an effort to remain consistent I am once again referring you to all things film.

There is a lovely Free Film Festival, which starts today (and has absolutely nothing to do with the fact I have just moved to South London) called the New Cross and Deptford Film Festival. It goes on until 6th May and has all manner of films from family to film shorts.

I would recommend the bike-powered Harry Potter screening tonight or Sherlock Holmes tomorrow night (the one with Robery Downey Junior and Jude Law not *sigh* the one with Benedict Cumberbatch), but the weather looks to be monumentally shit this weekend. These are outside screenings where viewers' bikes are hooked up to a generator that then powers the film. This is a lovely idea and would make me feel a little less guilty about eating that gargantuan box of popcorn, but I fear it would all just end up a but soggy (both me and the popcorn. If you have a tent, or don’t care about sitting in the rain, then go nuts.

I am however recommending the festival's screening of the Science of Sleep (the one with Gael García Bernal *more sighing*). This is set to take place next Tuesday 1st of May at 7.30pm and will be projected onto the ceiling of Lewisham Arts centre.

The reason is it being shown this way is to encourage viewers can lie back and fall asleep.

The website says it is “part art project part tongue in cheek”. I don't care either way if I can have a wee lie down, watch a slightly surreal film and not be laughed at if I do happen to drop off.

Hmm. Maybe I should find some more young people activities for the next post. There is a good chance this could become linked to Help the Aged.

Extreme paintballing anyone?

Spring in my step

Oh excuse me, sorry to bother you but I think we know one another? Hmm? No? Oh well yes I did stop writing almost 3 months ago and you may have forgotten I ever wrote this, but now it's Spring I thought I might come back?

Oh go on. Look at this puppy-

Yay forgiveness! Puppies always work.

Sooo I may have been busy/lazy/creating an exhibition about art I know nothing about over the last 3 months, which I why I haven't written, but the point is I have returned. I have returned like the caped crusader I am (I did actually tell someone quite seriously recently that I was like Batman. Our only actual similarity is that we both have deep voices) to talk to you about..the National Trust!

Since I last wrote I have turned 24. I am now appreciating the spring blossom and stocking up on stamps. The National Trust, therefore, is a natural progression.

It came to my attention today that, this weekend the National Trust are giving away vouchers that allow FREE ENTRY for 2 adults and 2 children to one of its sites. Now this got me all excited because I always think that National Trust sites are the kind of thing Sundays were made for. Preferably with your children or loved one but a cultured friend will do. However, it always irritates me slightly that this lovely British institution charges quite a lot in entrance fees, but for this weekend only it's free!

More surprising is the number of National Trust properties in and surrounding London. From a quick search of my postcode on the National Trust's website I think the place I would most like to go would be Red House, the former home of William Morris.

No don't feel bad I had excatly the same kind of thinking, "Oh I know the name but what did he do again?" Well to save you a Google search he was famous for designing prints such as these-

He was like a Pre-Raphelite Cath Kidston.

Anyway there are other buildings which are a bit more central like Caryle's House (the home of writer Thomas Carlyle) in Chelsea, 2 Willow Road (a modernist house containing a load of modernist art) in Hampstead, and Fenton House (standard pretty 17thC house). The one that is possibly the most bizarre though is the Tudor Sutton House, that sits on Homerton High street in Hackney.

So go and take advantage of the offer and then you will have money to spare for a cup of tea and a scone. This is the true reason anyone goes to a National Trust thing - the tearoom.

Film and the beauty of sitting in the dark

So yes ok I have been hiding from January too. I haven't ventured out much and have mainly spent my time moping. But now the end is in sight; I have begun planning my holidays, I don't feel so guilty about breaking my New Year's resolutions and everything is looking a little cheerier.

Of course there is still the typical shitty British weather to contend with. This means that activities are limited to indoors making it a perfect time to hibernate in your local cinema.

I love the cinema and have written about it before in this blog but that was very site specific and now I want to talk about your local generic/independent cinema.

I always think of it as a nice excuse to watch telly in the dark and not talk to people under the pre-text of going out and being sociable. And you can eat sweets. I require little else from life.

In London there is no shortage of cinemas but I have done a little research and most (if not all cinemas) offer some form of discount on some days-

The most obvious is of course the hugely popular Orange Wednesday which can be redeemed at bigger cinemas such as Odeon, Vue and Cineworld. If you have been living inder a rock for the last ten years and don't know what this is- to redeem your 2 for 1 voucher for the cinema you text FILM to 241 on an Orange phone and they send you a code that you show when purchasing tickets. This deal can also be used at the independent Picturehouse cinemas. Picturehouse now has six cinemas across London in Brixton, Clapham, Greenwich, Stratford East, Notting Hill and a newly opened branch in Hackney.

I visted the Hackney branch a few weeks ago to see Shame, which was very disturbing and mostly makes sex seem very unappealing. I would advise against sitting in the middle of the raised seating because this will you put right in line with a ten foot image of Michael Fassbender's crotch. It makes for very awkward viewing.

My latest find is the Barbican cinema, which offers tickets for a fiver on Monday nights when booked online. TIP- our screen was on level -2 that is MINUS 2. It is bloody confusing to get to but get someone to point you in the direction of the lift and all becomes clearer. This venue makes for an interesting Monday night but be quick because tickets sell out fast.

The lovely BFI on the South Bank also offers films for a fiver on a Tuesday. This can be done online and you simply redeem the discount at the checkout. I love the BFI building for it's amazing film shop, exhibitons and the bar which has deck chairs outside in the summer. I am easily pleased.

Then there is the general arts venue, Rich Mix, in Shoreditch. This is situated on Bethnal Green Road in the amazing borough of Tower Hamlets, which means anyone with an Idea Store or Tower Hamlets library card can go and see films for £5 on Mondays and Tuesdays.

I will take a minute to mention the Curzon and Everyman cinemas that are scattered across West and North London. From what I can gather, their situations (for example Belsize Park and Mayfair) means that they don't have to offer discounts because they are in expensive areas. You can get a few pounds off tickets costing £11-12 if you're a student but it's still quite pricey.

One cinema that I think is worth saving for is the Electric on Portobello Road. It is a beautiful little screen with proper armchairs (or for couples there are double sofas at the back) with a holder, not for your just a drink, but a wine bottle! Sorry did I forget to mention my ideal film experience includes Haribo and wine? I never said I was refined. The bar is actually in the cinema allowing you to nip to get more drinks at opportune moments without missing too much. Of course all this does not come cheap- it's £15 per person- but on Mondays and Sundays there are £8 tickets available for the first three rows.

The crowning glory of the London cinema scene I think has to go to the Prince Charles Cinema near Leicester Square. Despite the unappealing locationn this cinema has a lot to offer. Tickets normally cost about £10 for evening and weekend shwoing, but if you become a member then this gets reduced to £7.50 and matinee showings for members only cost £4. The fantastic bit being that it is only £10 for a year's membership or lifetime membership costs £50. The thing I love most about this cinema is that they do movie marathons, old film creenings, sing-alongs and other special events. An example being their double bills season which sees classic films such as Leon followed by Kick Ass. Amazing.

I am particularly excited because next week there is a screening of Tyrannosaur followed by a Q&A session with Olivia Coleman, who I love.

I think that is quite a comprehensive list, but now I am quite exhausted so I think I will just go to bed and stick on one of my Love Film rentals. It's still January and I still can't quite be arsed.

Come on, we will get through January together

Is it just me or are people (myself included) complaining about January more this year? I don't know if it just me feeling grumpier and hard done by- I had to work three days between Christmas and New Year- but Lodoners seem greyer and more miserable than normal. I know I am quite a naturally cynical person but come on people it's 2012! There's the Olympics, the Queen's Jubilee and it's Charles Dickens' 200th Anniversary (all these things will invariably end up in future blogs FYI). No? Well how about some cheap grub then? When the gym just seems too cruel a place and it's dark at 4pm why not head to a cosy restaurant in the knowledge that it won't break your already decrepit bank account.

There are loads of deals for chain restaurants all over the country through websites such as moneysavingexpert.com and myvouchercodes.co.uk but I think I have found something better.

There is this thing called a taste card which gives you 50% off or 241s on food in hundreds of restaurants across the UK. However, if you want to focus on London go to the website and search for restaurants in area of London and you can see that there are loads. This includes chain restaurants such as Zizzi, Pizza Express, Strada, Prezzo etc ass well as independent ones.

Read the specification to each restaurant carefully since there are some restrictions. For example, most of the deals are only valid during the week, some require you to book in advance and others limit the number of people you can use the discounts on.

Normally the card is £69.95 for 12 months but you can get a free month's trial. I tried it back in November and the thing I like most was that you don't have to sign up and then cancel to avoid getting charged. I have signed up for so many free things and then just forgotten to cancel them. I realise these companies are waiting to make money from my stupidity but that doesn't really make it easier to swallow.

All you have to do is enter your details into the website, tell them where to send it and they happily comply. My friend Lou was the one who told me about it and when she had finished her month's trial, and she didn't take up a full membership, the taste people emailed her and offered it to her for half price. This didn't happen to me but it would be worth the £35 for a whole year.

I think I only used it twice- once in a very nice Zizzis near Covent Garden and once in an awful looking Mexican place off Shoreditch High Street called Chico Bandito (and yes that's as every bit as bad as it sounds). The food was actually pretty good and they did amazing jugs of Margaritas. The ultimate downside was that as we walked in they placed over-sized sombreros on our heads. In my mind that is a deal breaker.

Request a card now and you could be as happy as these people in a matter of days.

Let me know who goes where and how it turned out and don't worry only 23 days left.